It shouldn't be too difficult to send back a glass or a bottle of wine that your server delivered to your table. After all, if you are worried about what your server will think just keep in mind they are not responsible for the production of the wine so it's not likely they'll take offense.
But what about when you send back a mixed drink, a cocktail, because you don't like the way it was made and therefore is not what you ordered—even though the bartender heard you loud and clear? In this case the person who sat the drink in front of you is exactly the person who produced it. What's the protocol for this situation.
I was out the other night at the bar at a wonderful restaurant in Napa. I ordered a Old Fashioned, that most classic of cocktails. What was set in front of me was a brownish, fizzy liquid that more resembled pond water than one of the great cocktails in the history of cocktails.
The problem I faced was that this is the mixture that probably 80% of bartenders will serve you when you ask for an Old Fashioned today. Yet, it clearly is not what a true old fashioned is supposed to be. But even more important is that this is the drink that most people are looking for when they order an Old Fashioned.
Do I send it back? After all, the bartender gave me what most of those ordering an Old Fashioned would expect, even though it wasn't a real old fashioned.
I did. I sent it back for this reason: I ordered a specific drink. I know how that drink is made. I know how that drink tastes. Finally, I sent it back because no one ever got kick out of a bar for not liking a mixed drink.
These days an Old Fashioned is like to be made like this:1. Place a cube of sugar, a cherry and an orange in a glass
2. Muddle contents of glass
3. Fill glass with ice
4. Pour in Bourbon (or Brandy if you are in the Midwest)
5. Top with various amounts of Soda Water or 7-up
This is not an Old Fashioned. This is what a once simple and stately and classic cocktail became during prohibition when much alcohol being served was horrid and you needed something with that horrid tasting alcohol to mask it's bad nature. This mixture now called the "Old Fashioned" lived on after Prohibition and became even further bastardized in some cases, but slowly became accepted as an Old Fashioned, barely resembling what it really should be, which is this:
1. Place cube of sugar or simple syrup in an Old Fashioned Glass
2. Put a teaspoon and a half of water and two or three shakes of bitter with sugar
4. Add ice to top of glass and stir for about a minute
5. Twist an orange peel liberally over the ice, release oil mist into glass
6. Add one and a half ounces of bourbon, stir again
7. Garnish with cherry and/or an orange peel.
Notice: No muddling. No splash or soda. No splash of water. It is the simplest of cocktails: Spirit, bitters, sugar, water.
The other night, after I sent back my Old Fashioned and order a Manhattan as a substitute, I eventually wanted a second drink. I decided I would tell the bartender exactly what I wanted and I described to him how I wanted him to make my Old Fashioned. He followed orders perfectly, noting along the way that he'd never heard of making an Old Fashioned like this.
I don't like to send back drinks at a bar. It calls too much attention to me, puts the bartender in a pissy mood and makes me out as a difficult customer. On the other hand I want the drink I want.
So, when in the mood for an Old Fashioned these days, I first try to assess the bar and its staff, guessing whether or not I'm in a place that knows how to make a real Old Fashioned. I generally determine it's not, if only because the odds, shaped over decades of bartenders being taught to make pond water rather than a classic, are against me. What works best it to ask the bartender for "a classic Old Fashioned—No muddling please". This I think will force them to ask exactly how I want it made. But the thing here is that they are asking, rather than me telling. It sets a different tone.
That said, I firmly believe that when you are presented with a mixed drink or cocktail that is not what you wanted and when you know the drink was not made correctly, you should send it back, the same way you'd send back a bottle or glass of wine that is flawed.
